29th year approaching

It's my birthday on Friday...heh. I have nothing planned really. Might go out to dinner and I've arranged Yumcha on Saturday for the Animation team. I dunno, I just wanted some thing low key this year. Dinner and a movie is enough for me. I might do something for next Saturday

I worked really late last night with the team, I hope it doesn't happen again but I dont hold much hope. We got what needed to get done, done and am glad that we did. A bit of pressure is off for a little bit. The animation team has been calling themselves Team Awesome and I totally agree with them.

I have several short film ideas and have started doing some character designs. I dont have anything that I am happy with yet but am glad to have a new project in sight. I miss entering into festivals. I miss hearing people react to something I have created. I want to go overseas and watch my film somewhere. Well, am planning to buy my own copy of Toon Boom and a new computer which should be awesome!

Feeling melancholic, am just tired I guess, it was a late night.

Got my first Japanese lesson tomorrow, looking forward to it.

depression has landed.

Well....I had an interesting night. Went out to dinner with a friend, no wait, work-mate and it was all rather calm to start and then things get a bit personal and he hits a couple of nails on the head with a mallet, possibly a sledge hammer and I am left feeling...well a bit down and alone. I like this person and I consider him my friend. There are a lot of people that I do like and some I consider friends and his comment tonight made me think...it may not be a two way street for a lot of them. Maybe a lot of these people will one day turn around and discard me when I am no longer of any value to them. Happened once already. It's a really depressing thought. Makes me think, the only person I can count on is me and...I don't find it to be a good thought.

I've helped family, I've helped friends and I have been helped as well. It's comforting to know that there may be some people out there that will lend a hand and it's nice to have the ability to help others but...ultimately I can't really depend on anyone....not when the shit really hits the fan anyway.

I got burned not too long ago, does it hurt: of course. Will this break me: nope. Will there be days down the track that I'll feel sad and shed tears for it: yes. Do I regret my decision: I stand by it. Will I forget: no. Will I get over this: yes. What will happen if our paths cross again: I don't know.

It's my birthday soon. A bit of a contrast from last year. I have nothing planned. Am not really excited about it and don't feel like celebrating that much. This year (and we're not even half-way) has been full of accomplishments and new experiences but with it came a lot of emotional upheavals, trauma and depression. I got broken by 2 people who know me a bit too well. I feel a bit like glass or some other ceramic material. Shattered then I go and put myself back together again. There were a few events that have happened this year that I may never forget, nor do I think i will be allowed to.

I miss training hard. I can't believe am saying this but I miss being pushed to the point of exhaustion and tears and a whole lot of physical pain...it's funny coming to a point I want something else to hurt so much that the emotional hurt is overshadowed by it. A bit melodramatic I admit :)

Anyway, sleep and more work tomorrow. Meh.

Recap and Ramblings

Hi

Well....things have been crazy the last few weeks. My long time "friend" has decided to have some space, so all projects have now been put on hold if not totally discarded and all plans have been pretty much binned. It's hard to think how a 7 year friendship and other stuff can be casually ended via gmail chat while I was at work. I was shattered. There were times that night that I couldn't even breathe, my chest was so tight, I wanted to scream, cry, hurt something and I couldn't do any of that....well, maybe my voice did go several octaves higher. :) I was very fortunate that I work with a lot of people I consider friends and had very understanding administrators. I got the support that helped me through that night.

I am glad to say I haven't cried about that incident since. It's been close to a month now. This is the longest I have gone without speaking to this person....in the last 7 years.

Am annoyed that another friend of mine predicted this situation almost a year ago. Am annoyed he gets to say "I told you so". I am also grateful to him and several other friends for being there for me.

I am starting to get really agitated not being able to workout and do as much activities as I would like to do. I want to get back into Muay Thai, I want to be able to dance more regularly, I miss training in a gym and it would be good to get back into climbing...small steps first..bouldering would be good to do again.

Work has been stressful but good. The team and the people working there are awesome and it is a pleasure to come to work. I still have a lot of things to improve on and things aren't peachy all the time but am working on it. Some things have finally clicked and others are frustrating me cos it's taking longer. I just want the time to really sit down and study and play around with Toon Boom. Who knows. I really want to get better at animating and with Toon Boom. I want to learn how to rig and be more competent with FX.

Am looking forward to Canada, a vacation right now would be so lovely and experiencing new stuff!

a quick one

Hi

I need to do more activities! No Muay Thai or rock climbing is really starting to make my mood shit and I've started to really rant at work without too much thought when my temper starts to go just to let off steam and I did a fantastic faux pas last Friday which I am too embarrassed to write about. Needless to say that was a lesson learnt and I dont think I will ever do that again. Dancing is great but I definitely need something that requires more physical exertion soon.... Meh.

I like the picture above, it's cute and somewhat apt.

All hands on deck!!!!

Hey there!

This was the last illustration I made, about 2 weeks ago and it looks like it will be the last one I make for a while yet. Things have gone crazier at the studio for deadlines. I need to put my Muay Thai on hold since I simply cannot make it to the classes since I now also have to work on most Saturdays and hopefully will still be able to leave at 6pm on some days for dancing. I need to keep exercising or have some sort of activity at least once a week. I am rather pissed off about Muay Thai though. I really really enjoy it but I can only make class if I leave at 5pm from the studio, or get up at 5am to make the 7am classes or take a class on Saturday and there just isn't enough time at the moment.

A friend of mine has said a few things which have sunk in and many of those things weren't easy to hear at all but I needed to hear them though they weren't stuff I wanted to hear. Then again, what I want and what I actually need are two very different things.

Am working this weekend, so many things need to be done. It's not so bad though, I work with friends and people who I really do enjoy being with and people that I have every intention of seeing outside the studio. Lots of laughs amongst the pressure and mayhem. I think we're the group that when the shit hits the fan so hard that the fan breaks, we'd be laughing at the sheer ridiculousness of it all.

I wonder if I really am a bad judge of character or that I just prefer to be more optimistic about people and focus on what I enjoy and what I find good in them and what made me like certain people to begin with. Meh. Thinking too much after hours and hours of work is not a good thing.

Start of a week...

Hi

Things have been picking up on my end. My friend and I made peace and we'll be starting our projects soon which is awesome. There is still a lot of distance there but I think that will be bridged with time.

Canada...looking so forward to Canada. Am almost done paying for my ticket and I may book an Alaskan cruise too, depends on how much that will cost. I am looking forward to the experience. This will be the first time I travel on my own and I'll be gone for 6 weeks. Pretty cool! Now to make sure I can find my way back home so I can travel somewhere else again ;) Japan is next on my list...

The weekend has come....

Hi there

The weekend has come! Hurrah! I plan to catch up on sleep and some for m of happiness as next week is the start of some very long days. Stuff is due 2 more Fridays from now and there is still so much to be done. Ah well.

Things are not so easy at the moment. Lots of personal things are going on with a friend and my family. It is taking everything I got just to keep concentrating. The bright side is that I am working on a lot of A shots which I prefer to do now rather than later. I am hoping to finish all A shots next week and have nothing but B's and C's after that. That said, I did have problems with the simpler shots which I did this week which is ridiculous! I had a hard long scene with tons of re-draws and movements that got approved first pass. Meh! Anyhooo....got another long A-scene to finish on Monday and hopefully that'll be another sequence I can just write off.

It's something juggling doing footage and checking and working on my fixes. :) Hopefully with some overtime next week I can wipe out a majority of all my hard shots and B's and C's.

My training for Muay Thai is erratic cos of the work schedule, I haven't climbed since a close friend and I ,who is my climbing partner, had a bit of a falling out hopefully with time we wont be so distant from each other. I still do yoga and I have lost a lot of weight. Sigh.

The sketches above were my efforts for my first time back at lifedrawing. I dont think I've gone since 2006....so long ago.

Not much else to talk about. Went out for drinks today with Leisl from work which was really lovely and looking forward to just chilling out and drawing my own stuff this weekend...

I hope things get better soon on all fronts. So looking forward to Canada!